Fangirl Fight
by TheChippedCup
Summary: Everyone knows that there is NO stopping the madness of fangirls. And Ratchet is about to learn that wonderful life lesson. When he stumbles upon the conversation of two of his biggest fans of all time, the crazieness he finds is overwhelming! -co-written with ratchetsfangirl-


Ratchetsfangirl:

Well this is new for me! I was chatting with one of my best friends here on Fan-Fiction, TheChippedCup, and our conversation was so utterly inspiring that we decided to make a fic out of it. So here you go! Co-written with TheChippedCup!

TheChippedCup:

Hey there! And like ratchetsfangirl said, our conversation just got so out of hand, that we just had to publish it :3 If you feel like total randomness today, then go ahead right now and READ IT. Like right now! Ratchet, prepare for your worst nightmare...:)

Note- To make it easier to understand, when ratchetsfangirl is talking it will look like this: **Blah, blah, blah, blah.**

When TheChippedCup is talking it will look like this_: Blah, blah, blah, blah._

Disclaimers- While ratchetsfangirl and TheChippedCup fight over our favorite transformers, we don't actually own them. :(

IMPORTANT-NONE OF THE MESSAGING IS MADE UP. WE WERE ACTUALLY TALKING LIKE THIS.

* * *

_Blasted earth tech!_ Ratchet swore to himself as he tried to fix his computer. This was the third time this week that this slagging computer had crashed! You couldn't count on earth tech to do anything right! He picked up his tool kit and crawled inside the machine. He started connecting and disconnecting wires, trying to find the solution. He crawled in even further and found the two wires he was looking for. He connected them and smiled as he heard the all-too familiar hum of the computer starting up once again.

But something caught his optic.

There, even farther inside the computer, were two glowing wires. They were both emitting a strange silver aura. He pushed aside many large pieces of machinery in order to get to them. He sat and inspected them for a while. He had never even _seen_ these two wires before! He gently touched one of them.

_ZAP!_ An electrical surge flew toward his fingers as he got close. Now Ratchet was downright curious. Why had he never seen these wires before? He quickly crawled out and brought back two metal tongs. Slowly he used the tongs to connect the wires together. Nothing happened. There were no loud noises and the mysterious aura that had surrounded the wires had disappeared. Nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

Ratchet shrugged and pulled himself back up into his chair. He started looking for those Energon files that he had wanted to organize. But for some strange reason, he couldn't find them. He couldn't find _any_ of his files! Mumbling obscenities under his breath, he started typing in keywords, hoping to bring up some of the missing files. He typed in the key word _Optimus Prime_ and entered it.

That was strange. None of his files came up but there were many links to a website called _Fanfiction._ Our of shear curiosity, he clicked on one of the links.

And it was a story about them! About himself, Optimus, Arcee, Megatron, and all the others! As he clicked on more and more links, he realized that he must not be in his dimension. All of these stories seemed like the humans knew exactly what they were, and how they got there. He shuddered as he clicked on yet another link. This one was a story written by an author named ratchetsfangirl. An author who named herself after him?

This chick must be bonkers.

With extreme hesitation, he read her story. It was about Optimus Prime with a high pitched voice. Ratchet slowly shook his head. _This story doesn't even make sense! _Ratchet thought. Then he saw another link. A different author named TheChippedCup had reviewed her story, and the two had a conversation about it. Ratchet leaned in, and with a confused look on his faceplate, read the conversation.

* * *

Ratchetsfangirl - **A response to your review at r/8130686/  
Yeah...something about Prime with a high-pitched voice just doesn't make sense! XD Probably because he's so smart!**

Well, that was true. Ratchet knew that no one, not even himself, could listen to battle plans without bursting into laughter. Imagine, a large strong mech who looked like he could lift up two trucks, with a squeaky little voice. Ratchet chuckled to himself a bit at that thought, and kept reading.

TheChippedCup- _Optimus with a high pitched voice is like Miko becoming a prissy little school girl XD But smart people don't sound good with high pitched voices, ESPECIALLY Optimus._

Okay, Ratchet couldn't even imagine that one. Miko? A prissy little school girl? He was pretty sure the guitar playing, rock listening, hardcore Asian girl would nearly faint at the idea of becoming such a thing. Either that or throw up.

Ratchetsfangirl- **Things that don't exist:  
Unicorns  
Happy math teachers  
Nasty sprinkles  
Optimus prime with a high pitched voice**

TheChippedCup- _Happy math teachers: no. Nasty Sprinkles: NEVER O_O Optimus with a high pitched: When the world ends. Unicorns: ABSO-FRICKIN'-LUTELY! XD Unicorns are real...I know it...O-O..._

Ratchet couldn't help but recoil at this message. He knew what Unicorns were, after a further explaining of the creatures from Miko. He laughed at the idea of the things being real, but this Human seemed to believe in them. A lot, apparently. Were Humans in this dimension crazier than the ones in his own?

Ratchetsfangirl- **Oh.  
I apologize. My mistake.  
I believe in transformers! I KNOW that my first car will be one. O.o**

Ratchet scoffed. "Oh yes, of _course_ it will." Yes, his beliefs were true. Humans _were _crazier in this dimension. But people actually _believed _that he, and all other Autobots and Decepticons, were real? Ratchet had concluded to the answer that he did not exist, well, not physically, in this universe. So, these people believed that made up characters, he shivered at the thought of himself being 'made up', were actual stuff? Where's a straight jacket when you need one….

TheChippedCup-_I hope my first car is a Transformer. Though I hope it's an Autobot...  
But when I get my first car, I'm gonna get a GMC Toppick! (If that's how you spell it...) 'Cause it's Ironhide's Michael Bay alt-mode! Or a Camero, though I highly doubt I'll get that kind of car :P_

'Michael Bay'? _Who in the name of Primus is Michael Bay?_ Ratchet thought. And Ironhide's alt-mode? Ratchet didn't even know he had one! And Camaro….that was Bumblebee's alt-mode, wasn't it? Ratchet never truly did pay attention to the others choice of vehicle modes.

Ratchetsfangirl- **Yes...I WOULD like a camero...  
Heck! Who am I kidding? I want an ambulance!**

TheChippedCup- _Oh my God...I want an ambulance! Though I'm not really sure how I'd get one...I seriously don't want to be a doctor...Maybe I could steal the one that looks most like Ratchet! Though if it was him, He'd probably tell me off for stealing stuff...Ugh, this is complicated..._

Wait…..this Humans, adults for all he knew, wanted to steal an ambulance. That looked like _him_? What in the Allspark were this people thinking? Stealing was against the law! And yes, he would probably tell the Human off for doing such a thing. Stupid Humans…trying to steal him….

Ratchetsfangirl -**hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...  
Hopefully we would be able to explain who we were before he smushed us...  
ps. I'M GONNA STEAL RATCHET FIRST!**

TheChippedCup- _NO! I'M GONNA STEAL RATCHET FIRST! HISS!  
If I don't get Ratchet, NO ONE WILL O-O  
But anyway...Ratchet wouldn't smush us before we got to tell him who we were! He's not that grumpy/evil! Besides, if he did, Optimus would have a spaz about not harming Humans and whatnot :P Besides, my fangirl ghost would haunt him!_

_Grumpy? EVIL?_ Ratchet was no such thing! Well, grumpy yes, but evil? No! These messages were starting to offend him a bit, and overall frighten him to death. These Humans wanted him _that bad_? He didn't even want to be on their stupid little ball of mud they called a planet! Ratchet crossed his arms over his chest, thinking about the Optimus part. Yes, Optimus probably would have a so called, 'spaz', if he did smush a Human. And _fangirl ghost_? What the….?

Ratchetsfangirl**- fangirl ghost lol**!

TheChippedCup - _it's that little fangirl soul of mine that stays here and haunts my favorite transformer XD This is how it would go...  
Ratchet: Why is it so hard to get this fleshy stuff off my pedes?  
Ghost fangirl: OOOOOOHHHH! MOAN!  
Ratchet: O-O What in the name of...?  
Ghost fangirl: RRRAAATTTTCCCHHHEEETTT! I'm a GHOOOSSSSTT! Here to haauuunnnttt yooouuuu! OOOOOHHHHH!  
Ratchet: *pulls out wrench* Sideswipe, if this is one of your stupid pranks, I swear I'll offline you!  
Ghost fangirl: I'm nooottt Siiddeessswipppee! I'm a ghooooosssttt!  
Ratchet: Ghosts talk funny._

For some reason, that was totally impossible and extremely stupid. Ratchet didn't believe in ghosts or spirits. He believed in Primus and the Well of All Sparks, yes, but ghosts? Rubbish. And he supposed that getting Human remains off of his pede would be pretty hard…..

Ratchetsfangirl -**lol! if I found ratchet this is how it would go-  
me-!  
ratchet-What? Fleshing slow down. Who the crap are you?  
me- !  
ratchet- Oookay.  
me- !  
ratchet- No you're not!  
me- *dies because she hasn't been breathing.*  
ratchet- *walks away slowly***

TheChippedCup- _OMG that would be me if I were alive to see him. Hopefully, one day scientists will be able to make real transformers for all those fangirls out there! But most likely they'll be used to destroy us and our constant rants about how we like/love/ARE OBSESSED with certain Transformers XD_

What was with all this 'fangirl' business? What did it even mean exactly? And why exactly would people want to destroy them? Were they that annoying? Why was he even asking himself these questions? Ratchet shook his head to keep away the constantly stupid thoughts. Moving on…..

Ratchetsfangirl**- lol! just read your latest chapter btw...Awesome job!**

TheChippedCup- _Thanks. I read your review. It was pretty depressing to write that part with Arcee...but I couldn't help myself, you know? Give everyone a good backstory that somewhat involves the story *shrugs* Me no know._

Latest chapter? Ratchet quickly opened a new window, and browsed through a Fanfiction the writer, 'TheChippedCup', wrote. Learning to Love? Ratchet already thought badly about it. Love was definitely not on his list of emotions. Angry, annoyed, grouchy, and many other like it, but _not _loving, or really anything near it. He quickly read it in a few seconds, and his spark almost stopped at the part the two Humans had been chatting about. Arcee….had had a sparkling? With _Tailgate_? Oh…yep….Ratchet was going to purge….

Ratchetsfangirl- **Well sometimes you just need to write depressing parts to stories. It gives it a good background. ^^**

**I'm working on my next chapter to Life of a Medic. I'm bringing Starscream into this so craps about to get real! XD**

Ratchet grinded his metal teeth together. _Starscream_. Ratchet loathed the selfish little whiney mech. Whenever the Primus forsaken seeker called for medical help for information, Ratchet just wanted to kill himself from Starscreams constant whines and moans, about how Megatron or whoever else brutally beat him, and how Ratchet was doing a horrible job at fixing him.

TheChippedCup-_ Starscream? I love that mech! I only noticed in Chapter 23 that I hadn't brought in Starscream. He's my fav Decepticon. Actually, Knock Out is my fav :3_

This Human, _loved _Starscream? Oh dear Primus. And the Humans in this dimension had favorite Decepticons? What was wrong with these people?

Ratchetsfangirl- **I think everyone loves KO.  
He's just epic!**

TheChippedCup- _And so HOT! XD_

Ratchetsfangirl-**Well yes. That too. XD**

Ratchet held back the vile coming up in his throat. These Humans, _Humans_, thought that Knock Out, that self-absorbed, horrible, cruel, vile, and utterly annoying mech, was _hot_? Ratchet wanted to stop reading, but just couldn't. It was just so disturbing….but he just couldn't look away. He had to know what else these Humans thought.

TheChippedCup- _I wish I had Ratchet right now though. I just went to the doctor and got a shot in my arm and it hurts so much I can't move it! Ratchet would figure out some kind of medical-breakthrough-painkiller.  
Knock Out...I think he would just chop it off or something...XD_

Ratchetsfangirl- **OMG...I have a crazy fear of needles.  
I don't know how Ratchet can do it.**

It was actually quite easy. With Sideswipe, all you had to do was lure them into the med-bay, grab a wrench, knock them out, give them the shot, and tell everyone that he's simply taking a nap. Five easy steps, all of which Ratchet loved to do.

TheChippedCup- _I can't imagine having to be a doctor and literally stabbing someone with a needle! Though I'm sure Ratchet can do it without even flinching XD He's the most awesome, and the most meanest doctor in the universe. But that's why we love him so much!_

Ratchet wanted to deny it, but he knew it was true. He wasn't the most, 'gentlest' doctor in the world, possibly even the universe. But he was awesome, he could say that about himself. Most people in this dimension thought so apparently. Ratchet let a small smirk across his faceplate. They loved him. All those Humans out there adored him.

Ratchetsfangirl- **Back off sister.  
Ratchet is mine. *deranged fangirl growl***

TheChippedCup- _Ratchet. Is. MINE. ALL MINE. NO ONE ELSE'S! HISS! GROWL! ROAR!_

Scratch that. All those Humans out there were madly in love with him. Ratchet didn't like that. Adoring him was fine, but this chat was getting a bit out of hand. Now he was reading two deranged, totally insane girls-er, 'fangirls', who seemed to want him very badly. Their conversation was starting to scare Ratchet greatly.

Ratchetsfangirl- ***brings out baseball bat*  
Come at me bro.**

TheChippedCup-_*Pulls out chainsaw*  
Bring it 'sista!_

Ratchet flinched slightly at the thought of the two actually pulling out such weapons on eachother. Okay, this was getting a bit insane now. Wait, what was Ratchet saying? It had been insane from the start!

Ratchetsfangirl- ***brings out one of Ratchets wrenches*  
heheheheheheh...We all know the power that is in Ratchets wrench! Surrender now or face the wrath of ratchetsfangirl!**

"A good weapon of choice." Ratchet thought aloud. His wrenches were his main source of defense against idiotic twins and clumsy green mechs.

TheChippedCup-_*pulls out Knock Out's chainsaw thingy-ma-jig*  
Oh! But I have the amazing saw of Knock Out, the sexy 'Con medic! Surrender now, and be spared from the fury of TheChippedCup!_

Okay, now it went from hot, to sexy. How far was this scale of hotness going to go? And Ratchet wondered….could one of his wrenches withstand Knock Out's saw?

Ratchetsfangirl- ***ratchetsfangirl gets her epic game face on*  
BRING IT!  
*charges into battle with wrench held high***

TheChippedCup- _*TheChippedCup snarls like an angry Insecticon*  
PREPARE FOR SURGERY!  
*runs in with chainsaw in the air*_

Ratchetsfangirl**-*swings the wrench back and forth*  
HOO-AH!**

TheChippedCup-*_Slices chainsaw to and fro*  
SAY "AAWW"!_

Ratchet smacked his servo onto his faceplate. Hoo-ah? Oh Primus…that had been one crazy trip. Ratchet was never going back to that stupid synthetic energon again. He had had to apologize to Arcee a million times before she forgave him for flirting with her. It was only one time! And Ratchet remembered when Knock Out had said that. It had been when he was about to saw Jack and Ratchet had saved him!

Ratchetsfangirl- ***ratchetsfangirl realizes something*  
Wait a sec. We both got mad skillz. I bet if we teamed up...we could kidnap Ratchet AND Knockout. *evil grin*  
Sounds like a plan?**

Ratchet gulped a bit. They both seemed willing to do anything to get their hands on the two medics, and Ratchet didn't even want to know their plans to capture both of them….

TheChippedCup- _Oh yeah...so, here's the materials for what I'm thinking...  
We'll need a trampoline, a donkey, an old woman, a tree, a paint brush, a giant Optimus dummy, Miko, a racing magazine, a giant can of feathers, some maple syrup, and a deep fryer.  
Do you know any old people? All of them seem to be afraid of me...*twitch*...  
But capturing Ratchet is amazing, but both medics at the same time. HEAVEN._

Wait….what?

Ratchetsfangirl**- hmmmmmmm...I'm liking your idea. But for my idea we would need:  
A tennis ball, a flip-flop, one can of tomato soup, a strobe light, Raf, a BLUE folding chair, (it has to be blue) a banana, a printer and a Leonardo DeCaprio movie. (Inception would be the best)**

Now this was just confusing…..

TheChippedCup- _Hmm..I can see our plan coming together well...Hahaha...HAHAHAHA...MWUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!_

Okay, now he was getting pretty scared of the two Humans.

Ratchetsfangirl**- LOL! ...We're both kind of bonkers!**

TheChippedCup- _I've gone past the line of bonkers. I'M ABSOLUTELY INSANE. O3O You can ask my friends. They'd totally agree. Like Mr. McPumpkin. Isn't that right Mr. McPumpkin? XD_

Ratchetsfangirl- **Ummmmm...  
Security!**

TheChippedCup- _Security loves me! I visit the big police men all the time! They're pretty nice, they put me in a nice comfy room with all these cushions while people in funny white coats talk to me! XD_

This Human had had experience with security? Umm….yes….Ratchet didn't know what exactly to think about that….

Ratchetsfangirl - **LOL!  
Hey I just read over this entire convo. This crap is hilarious! Especially when we're fighting over Ratchet!**

TheChippedCup - _I know! XD I'm gonna make this into a fic, right here, right now. Guest stars: Ratchet and Knock Out. Maybe Optimus. I don't know...just gonna go along as I go...XD_

Ratchetsfangirl- **We SO should publish this.  
Call it- Fangirl Fight. XD**

They were going to make their crazy conversation into an actual story? Ratchet didn't even want to know how that would work.

TheChippedCup - _OMG yeah! It'd be so epic!_

Ratchetsfangirl- **Are you being serious? Cause I'll do it if you want to.**

TheChippedCup-_Yes! I'm as serious as I'll ever be! Though I've never co-wrote anything before...or do you want to write it by yourself? 'Cause that's fine :)_

Ratchetsfangirl**- I'm real busy right now but I could do it later!**

TheChippedCup - _That's cool :3 _

Ratchet exited out of the computer and sat there for a while, in total shock. Then, without any further warning, he dashed under the computer and disconnected the two wires, his servos shaking. Whatever universe these _obsessed_ girls were in, he wanted **no** part of it.

* * *

Well, that's all! Poor Ratchet!

Please leave a review and tell us what you thought!

Peace out and love you all!


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